I feel like I have a really big heart. You would think that this would be good, but I'm starting to think it's not. People don't care about that kind of thing anymore.
Well, my heart has been hurt quite a few times lately. It seems like in the past few weeks I have been struck with the fact that a lot of people I make an effort with really don't care about me at all. I don't know if anything sucks more than finding out someone you are friends with...isn't really your friend. When I first got married and had Payton, I didn't do much or keep in touch with a lot of people because there weren't many friends my age who were going through the same thing I was. I retracted for a while and didn't reach out to anyone. In the past year, I've tried to change that. I've tried to make more friends who have kids and be more social. Have more girls nights, so on and so forth. I'm starting to think that was a mistake.
In trying to take the positive out of these situations, I realize that maybe I just be a little more thankful for those friends and family that are truly in my life because they love and care about me, my husband, and my kids. I am so tired of trying to please everyone all the time...because when I'm let down- I feel AWFUL and get really really SAD!
Point of the story is, I'm done trying and reaching out...if you care about me and want to be a part of my life then you have to make an effort too. If not, then I'm better off with out you. I have an AMAZING husband, WONDERFUL kids, and an AWESOME family. I really couldn't ask for more...so I'm going to stop wanting more. I have everything I need, and I'm so blessed that I can say that.
Sorry about the emo-ness,
Amber
May 27, 2011
March 30, 2011
The Refresh Button
This past weekend I went on a day drip to Gruene, and Ashley was able to meet up with us since she lives so close to there. It's funny how I totally forgot what it's like to spend one on one time with her. Saturday night we were riding in her truck and it made me so happy just to listen to music with her...I had forgotten how much we use to do that. It makes me so thankful that we have stayed friends and will continue to stay friends forever.
I was only gone a little over 24 hours, but of course I missed my babies. That's the second time I've been away from them, and it was much much easier than the first. My husband did a great job and I'm so thankful he was sweet enough to take on the babies for a day so I could have a fun little day trip.
Gruene is such a sweet little town...I had never been before but so many people I know told me how wonderful it was. I don't know why but I've always wished I could live in a little place like that. I've grown up and lived my entire life in Fort Worth, so it's nice to change scenery even if it's just for a day. On the way back my grandma was telling us about how when she was little they would have dinner and then everyone would go outside and sit on the porch and the kids would play. Why can't it be like that anymore? Most houses don't even have a front porch like that...let alone any unique character to them. Most of the shops in Gruene were in buildings that use to be homes. They were so pretty and intricately built. It's a shame that nowadays most houses look just like the next...just another box.
Sometimes I wish technology would be totally wiped out (bare with me). That way we would have to spend more time together and not on our phone/gaming system/computer. That way we would have to actually speak to people we know face to face. Most importantly, spend more time outside... breathing fresh air, soaking up vitamin d, and getting exercise. Everything we need is right in the palm of our hands...and sometimes I wonder how long it will be until we turn into the movie "wall-e". The fact that I can deposit a check into my bank account through my phone instead of actually having to go to the bank is still crazy to me. Does anyone else ever wonder if all of this technology is the reason that so much in our society has gone down hill? Don't get me wrong, I'm just as addicted to my smart phone, facebook, and classless reality TV as the next person...but sometimes I truly wish that we didn't have all of these things.
I know this is just wishful thinking. Maybe I'm old-fashioned or whatever you want to call it...but I'm willing to bet that adding a little more simplicity to our lives wouldn't hurt a thing.
Amber
I was only gone a little over 24 hours, but of course I missed my babies. That's the second time I've been away from them, and it was much much easier than the first. My husband did a great job and I'm so thankful he was sweet enough to take on the babies for a day so I could have a fun little day trip.
Gruene is such a sweet little town...I had never been before but so many people I know told me how wonderful it was. I don't know why but I've always wished I could live in a little place like that. I've grown up and lived my entire life in Fort Worth, so it's nice to change scenery even if it's just for a day. On the way back my grandma was telling us about how when she was little they would have dinner and then everyone would go outside and sit on the porch and the kids would play. Why can't it be like that anymore? Most houses don't even have a front porch like that...let alone any unique character to them. Most of the shops in Gruene were in buildings that use to be homes. They were so pretty and intricately built. It's a shame that nowadays most houses look just like the next...just another box.
Sometimes I wish technology would be totally wiped out (bare with me). That way we would have to spend more time together and not on our phone/gaming system/computer. That way we would have to actually speak to people we know face to face. Most importantly, spend more time outside... breathing fresh air, soaking up vitamin d, and getting exercise. Everything we need is right in the palm of our hands...and sometimes I wonder how long it will be until we turn into the movie "wall-e". The fact that I can deposit a check into my bank account through my phone instead of actually having to go to the bank is still crazy to me. Does anyone else ever wonder if all of this technology is the reason that so much in our society has gone down hill? Don't get me wrong, I'm just as addicted to my smart phone, facebook, and classless reality TV as the next person...but sometimes I truly wish that we didn't have all of these things.
I know this is just wishful thinking. Maybe I'm old-fashioned or whatever you want to call it...but I'm willing to bet that adding a little more simplicity to our lives wouldn't hurt a thing.
Amber
March 18, 2011
For granted
Warning: This blog post is going to be very different from previous entries.
There is nothing in the world that is more infuriating to me right now than this NFL lockout business. It makes me SO MAD. I can't even fathom that these spoiled, bratty players are demanding more money or they aren't going to play. Let me tell you what they really need- they need financial advisers. 60% of NFL players become bankrupt when they leave the NFL because they don't know how to handle their money. Not to mention, we're in a huge economic recession. NFL players are literally spoiled to death. They have top of the line, name brand EVERYTHING. They make millions each year. They have many adoring fans. All the perks you could think of...and then fools like Adrian Peterson and Rashard Mendenhall compare playing in the NFL to "slavery". Is this a joke? That is without a doubt one of the most ignorant, disrespectful, insulting things I've ever heard. Let's talk to someone who was/is actually a slave? Hm...pretty sure that no slave has ever been paid millions of dollars each year.
I lay the blame in large part on the media for this. They have all of these players thinking they are larger than life. Athletes are no longer just athletes..they are celebrities. Episodes of cribs, late night talk show appearances, VIP parties. If I remember correctly, being an athlete in the NFL is a privilege. You were given an amazing god given talent, and someone was nice enough to take note of that and send you on your way to play. To play that game that you use to love, the one that you played since you were a little kid...pee-wee, middle school, high school, and then college. You were never even paid for the majority of your life to play this sport that you "love" so much. Which brings us to today, you've been spoiled now for so long by the NFL that you've completely taken it for granted, and it's not about the game you love anymore- it's about the money. What a sad thing to see.
I love football season, it's one of my favorite things. BUT- this has me so angry that I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen this year. I wish these idiots would see what it's like to live in reality...what the average American faces financially. (Yes, I'm aware that they have plenty of money and probably won't struggle) but I would like to see them learn some kind of lesson.
If we're going to talk about giving someone a pay raise...let's go there. How about the soldiers that serve our country every single day? Many of which are overseas putting their lives on the line daily, away from their families and loved ones...just hoping to make it until the next leave or return home. Or what about teachers? Yeah, you know...the ones who are working Monday through Friday teaching our kids the things they need to know to enter the real world one day. What about the do-gooders? The ones that are volunteering and giving countless hours...time and energy to help other people. All of these people make an average amount of money, it's no secret that many of our military friends and teachers are underpaid. So many families these days are living paycheck to paycheck and it's just not right. We're all giving it our best and these clowns want more millions to add to their millions. But what can you expect from a crew that continues to let dog killers and rapists live the high life? Oh yeah, I forgot...it's all about the money.
The point of this story is...I don't want to be a clown either. Sometimes when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself...I get a reality check. It comes in the form of a huge toothy grin from my sweet baby boy or beautiful little girl. It's like God is saying "Hey! Snap out of it...look at those two angels I gave to you!". He's right. I am so so SO fortunate to be home with them right now. They are the loves and lights of my life and I don't want to EVER ever taken them for granted not even for a second. It's hard to be in the house all the time, but with the weather becoming so nice- we've been doing a lot more. Going outside to play, so on and so forth. I wish I didn't have to remind myself not to take things for granted, but I would rather do that than live in denial.
I feel so much better now that I vented,
Amber
There is nothing in the world that is more infuriating to me right now than this NFL lockout business. It makes me SO MAD. I can't even fathom that these spoiled, bratty players are demanding more money or they aren't going to play. Let me tell you what they really need- they need financial advisers. 60% of NFL players become bankrupt when they leave the NFL because they don't know how to handle their money. Not to mention, we're in a huge economic recession. NFL players are literally spoiled to death. They have top of the line, name brand EVERYTHING. They make millions each year. They have many adoring fans. All the perks you could think of...and then fools like Adrian Peterson and Rashard Mendenhall compare playing in the NFL to "slavery". Is this a joke? That is without a doubt one of the most ignorant, disrespectful, insulting things I've ever heard. Let's talk to someone who was/is actually a slave? Hm...pretty sure that no slave has ever been paid millions of dollars each year.
I lay the blame in large part on the media for this. They have all of these players thinking they are larger than life. Athletes are no longer just athletes..they are celebrities. Episodes of cribs, late night talk show appearances, VIP parties. If I remember correctly, being an athlete in the NFL is a privilege. You were given an amazing god given talent, and someone was nice enough to take note of that and send you on your way to play. To play that game that you use to love, the one that you played since you were a little kid...pee-wee, middle school, high school, and then college. You were never even paid for the majority of your life to play this sport that you "love" so much. Which brings us to today, you've been spoiled now for so long by the NFL that you've completely taken it for granted, and it's not about the game you love anymore- it's about the money. What a sad thing to see.
I love football season, it's one of my favorite things. BUT- this has me so angry that I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen this year. I wish these idiots would see what it's like to live in reality...what the average American faces financially. (Yes, I'm aware that they have plenty of money and probably won't struggle) but I would like to see them learn some kind of lesson.
If we're going to talk about giving someone a pay raise...let's go there. How about the soldiers that serve our country every single day? Many of which are overseas putting their lives on the line daily, away from their families and loved ones...just hoping to make it until the next leave or return home. Or what about teachers? Yeah, you know...the ones who are working Monday through Friday teaching our kids the things they need to know to enter the real world one day. What about the do-gooders? The ones that are volunteering and giving countless hours...time and energy to help other people. All of these people make an average amount of money, it's no secret that many of our military friends and teachers are underpaid. So many families these days are living paycheck to paycheck and it's just not right. We're all giving it our best and these clowns want more millions to add to their millions. But what can you expect from a crew that continues to let dog killers and rapists live the high life? Oh yeah, I forgot...it's all about the money.
The point of this story is...I don't want to be a clown either. Sometimes when I'm feeling down and sorry for myself...I get a reality check. It comes in the form of a huge toothy grin from my sweet baby boy or beautiful little girl. It's like God is saying "Hey! Snap out of it...look at those two angels I gave to you!". He's right. I am so so SO fortunate to be home with them right now. They are the loves and lights of my life and I don't want to EVER ever taken them for granted not even for a second. It's hard to be in the house all the time, but with the weather becoming so nice- we've been doing a lot more. Going outside to play, so on and so forth. I wish I didn't have to remind myself not to take things for granted, but I would rather do that than live in denial.
I feel so much better now that I vented,
Amber
February 7, 2011
Resilient
Resilient
1. Springing back, rebounding
2. Returning to original form after being bent, compressed, or stretched
3. Recovering readily from shock, illness, adversity, or hardship
Last year my family and I experienced without a doubt the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to us. While I don't want to go into detail about it...I would like to clear a few things up.
I don't want to give the impression by my posts that I am "smug" or that I think my life is perfect. It's not...nowhere near it. No ones is. Just because I wrote a few happy blog posts doesn't mean that I'm trying to make you think my life is something it isn't, just because I write about loving my husband doesn't mean we don't have our moments, and just because I write about loving my children doesn't mean I don't get tired of dirty diapers on occasion.
It seems I only like to write in here when I'm feeling a lot of emotion. Most of it comes from love for my husband and babies that I can seem to shake unless I write it out. After going through what we've gone through, and the tough year that 2010 was, I look at a lot of things with fresh eyes. Beforehand I would say I was a "glass half empty" kind of person, and now I'm looking at things with a "glass half full" perspective. I don't want to waste my time on negative emotions or small things that don't matter in the long run. I don't want to bore you with daily whining or complaining.
Why?
Because after going through such a painful time, I am overly the top grateful for everything in my life. The small things that use to get to me don't anymore, because I think of how much worse it could be. Call it cheesy, cliche, or whatever you will...but your whole life can change in the blink of an eye, and unfortunately I know this from experience.
I don't know why all of this happened, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to figure it out. I love my family and friends and I'm so thankful to God for getting us through all this. So thankful that I have no idea how to even begin to thank him for it...I find myself at a loss for words when I pray. A good friend of mine told me that when I pray I should do just that, tell him I can't find the words to express my gratitude...and if I listen, I'll know what to do.
Psalm 30: 11-12
11 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Sweet dreams,
Amber
1. Springing back, rebounding
2. Returning to original form after being bent, compressed, or stretched
3. Recovering readily from shock, illness, adversity, or hardship
Last year my family and I experienced without a doubt the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to us. While I don't want to go into detail about it...I would like to clear a few things up.
I don't want to give the impression by my posts that I am "smug" or that I think my life is perfect. It's not...nowhere near it. No ones is. Just because I wrote a few happy blog posts doesn't mean that I'm trying to make you think my life is something it isn't, just because I write about loving my husband doesn't mean we don't have our moments, and just because I write about loving my children doesn't mean I don't get tired of dirty diapers on occasion.
It seems I only like to write in here when I'm feeling a lot of emotion. Most of it comes from love for my husband and babies that I can seem to shake unless I write it out. After going through what we've gone through, and the tough year that 2010 was, I look at a lot of things with fresh eyes. Beforehand I would say I was a "glass half empty" kind of person, and now I'm looking at things with a "glass half full" perspective. I don't want to waste my time on negative emotions or small things that don't matter in the long run. I don't want to bore you with daily whining or complaining.
Why?
Because after going through such a painful time, I am overly the top grateful for everything in my life. The small things that use to get to me don't anymore, because I think of how much worse it could be. Call it cheesy, cliche, or whatever you will...but your whole life can change in the blink of an eye, and unfortunately I know this from experience.
I don't know why all of this happened, but I'm not going to waste my time trying to figure it out. I love my family and friends and I'm so thankful to God for getting us through all this. So thankful that I have no idea how to even begin to thank him for it...I find myself at a loss for words when I pray. A good friend of mine told me that when I pray I should do just that, tell him I can't find the words to express my gratitude...and if I listen, I'll know what to do.
Psalm 30: 11-12
11 You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, 12 that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Sweet dreams,
Amber
January 9, 2011
Joyful
This past weekend my husband and I took a much needed trip to Lubbock for some friends of ours wedding. While I say much needed, it has to be said that my heart literally ached for my babies the entire time I was gone. We have never been away from them, ever, and I had no idea it would be so hard for me emotionally. While we were there I was talking to another mom and she was saying even though her kids are basically grown she still cries when they leave. I know I'm going to be just like this...even when my kids are 30 years old, my heart is still going to ache for them. Being a mother is sort of an agonizing love. At least that's how I felt all weekend. My heart longed for them, and of course, there had to be a lot of sweet little babies there to remind me of how much I missed them.
The wedding was so beautiful. I may sound silly, but I've never really been involved in a big exciting event like that before, so it was really foreign to me. The ceremony was so perfect, and it felt so great to be a part of two people's lives coming together. This weekend made me so thankful for the wonderful marriage I have. I would never in a million years wish to be single again. I feel like single people are just sort of "wandering", if you will. I could be wrong, maybe marriage just doesn't interest some people- but I love it. Having someone who loves you unconditionally, someone who is on your team, in your corner...has your back- every single day of your life...for the rest of your life- that's amazing. During the reception they recognized the grandparents because it was their 51st wedding anniversary to the day. It was probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure this weekend I broke some sort of record for crying. I can only hope to be SO lucky to be with the love of my life for 51 years plus. One of my favorite parts of the evening was when I looked on the dance floor and saw the bride, groom, and both of their families dancing their hearts out and smiling like crazy. They were all so incredibly happy and joyful, it made me heart swell to see such a joyous event. Two families coming together to celebrate love.
It was really neat to meet so many people that have been in Teddy's life for much, much longer than I have. I think it was good for him to see them too. While he would probably never admit it, I know he misses a lot of them. Just from visiting Ruidoso and meeting a lot of people from there, they all seem like very good hearted, down to earth families. I really love that. Maybe that's why I love my husband so much, because he has that same spirit. I knew from the moment I met him that he was different than an other guy I had met before. I love him SO much, and I had the best weekend spending some very needed time together without any stresses or distractions.
Also, I finally was able to meet my best pen-pal. She and I have become very close over the past 6 months or so. The past 6 months of which, have been the hardest of my life. Little does she know that she is one of the people who have turned my day around with just a simple text message or a thoughtful comment. I am so thankful for the best girlfriends I have in my life. Sadly, half of them don't live in the same town as me or are in law school. Wink wink. It would be nice to have another couple that we loved so much to hang out with on a regular basis.
Will any of my posts be about anything besides mushy gushy raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Probably not. It seems these feelings are what provoke my blog writing in the first place. You'll just have to keep reading to find out.
Love,
Amber
The wedding was so beautiful. I may sound silly, but I've never really been involved in a big exciting event like that before, so it was really foreign to me. The ceremony was so perfect, and it felt so great to be a part of two people's lives coming together. This weekend made me so thankful for the wonderful marriage I have. I would never in a million years wish to be single again. I feel like single people are just sort of "wandering", if you will. I could be wrong, maybe marriage just doesn't interest some people- but I love it. Having someone who loves you unconditionally, someone who is on your team, in your corner...has your back- every single day of your life...for the rest of your life- that's amazing. During the reception they recognized the grandparents because it was their 51st wedding anniversary to the day. It was probably the sweetest thing I've ever seen. I'm pretty sure this weekend I broke some sort of record for crying. I can only hope to be SO lucky to be with the love of my life for 51 years plus. One of my favorite parts of the evening was when I looked on the dance floor and saw the bride, groom, and both of their families dancing their hearts out and smiling like crazy. They were all so incredibly happy and joyful, it made me heart swell to see such a joyous event. Two families coming together to celebrate love.
It was really neat to meet so many people that have been in Teddy's life for much, much longer than I have. I think it was good for him to see them too. While he would probably never admit it, I know he misses a lot of them. Just from visiting Ruidoso and meeting a lot of people from there, they all seem like very good hearted, down to earth families. I really love that. Maybe that's why I love my husband so much, because he has that same spirit. I knew from the moment I met him that he was different than an other guy I had met before. I love him SO much, and I had the best weekend spending some very needed time together without any stresses or distractions.
Also, I finally was able to meet my best pen-pal. She and I have become very close over the past 6 months or so. The past 6 months of which, have been the hardest of my life. Little does she know that she is one of the people who have turned my day around with just a simple text message or a thoughtful comment. I am so thankful for the best girlfriends I have in my life. Sadly, half of them don't live in the same town as me or are in law school. Wink wink. It would be nice to have another couple that we loved so much to hang out with on a regular basis.
Will any of my posts be about anything besides mushy gushy raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Probably not. It seems these feelings are what provoke my blog writing in the first place. You'll just have to keep reading to find out.
Love,
Amber
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