A little bit of resolution

The other day I was watching the movie "Knocked up" and there is a scene where Paul Rudd is talking to Seth Rogen while his kids are playing on the playground:

Pete: I mean, that's an incredible thing about a child. What's so great about bubbles?
Ben: They float, you can pop them. I mean...I get it, I get it.
Pete: I wish I liked anything as much as my kids liked bubbles.

It's funny how when you grow up so many cliches are true. I can't believe that many moons ago I was able to stay up all night long. Now, I wish I could go to bed at 8 o'clock. Making your husband think your idea was "his idea". Check. When I was younger I thought my parents had no idea what they were talking about, now I go to them for advice on a very regular basis.

I was thinking about 2010 and how life really beat the joy out of me. I want to get that back. I have realized that I forgot what it is that makes me...well, me. Something that contributed to this realization was something so simple...looking through my hope chest.

My hope chest is so beautiful. It was handmade and painted by my grandparents as a gift one year. It's filled with keepsakes, cards, letters, signs, and other little treasures I've collected through out my life. It has all of my soccer programs from high school, my first wallet (bright pink and covered in multi-color frogs), invitations to the "Best friends club" sleepover, and much, much more. It also contained my planners that I used each year, packed with Stuco meetings, soccer games, and powder puff practice. I read a few of the letters and cards from people I know, and they made me feel really great. If I ever need a bit of confidence or a self-esteem boost- I will definitely be reading them again. It felt like I hadn't looked in the chest in a million years. I have been so busy and caught up in the every day ruckus that I forgot about who I was before I grew up.

So there you have it, my new year's resolution. I'm going to be the best wife and mother in the world and be able to balance that with out forgetting who I am. I am going to make time for myself to write, listen to music, and take a bubble bath if I wish. Here's a quote I've always loved from one of my favorite movies:

"Never lose your childish enthusiasm, and things will come your way."
-Under the Tuscan Sun

I want to look at life with the enthusiasm of a child. When everything is funny, you drink chocolate milk like it's going out of style, and you look at everything through rose colored glasses.

So here it is: My name is Amber Caitlin Sowell. Maiden name: Stout. I love listening to music, every kind. I love how hearing Jimmy Eat World or Taking Back Sunday takes me back to my senior year riding around in the car with my best friend, Sarah. I enjoy movies...especially funny ones like Anchorman and 40 year old virgin...BUT do not make me watch a scary movie...I hate them. I love the feeling I get after a good workout. I love the sunshine, it brings me back to life. I like to write, but not with any type of criteria. I make to do lists, have planners, and keep a binder filled with all of my important papers. I grew up a tomboy, but I do have a very girlish side. My girlfriends and Sephora are the only reason I even contain any girlishness. I love to get dolled up and go out on dates with my husband. I love sports...especially football. There's something about teamwork and the way sports bring people together that inspires me. I hate college...but I only have a year and half left- so I'm not going to give up. I am in love with my husband and kids. I'm way too hard on myself. All I want is for the people I love to be proud of me.

I'm ready for 2011, and yes, I'm one of those people who seems to think that at the stroke of midnight 2010's worries and troubles will disappear.

That is, if I can even stay awake until midnight ;)

Amber

Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you?

Why does being a woman have to be so...EMOTIONAL? I don't think I have ever cried so many happy tears as I have in the past week. I don't know what it is but I'm just plain happy. I feel like my heart is swelling with love and will explode at any second.

I guess what overwhelms me so much is all of the love the surrounds me. My sweet, loving husband...my beautiful babies. My amazing family who never ceases to amaze me. All of the caring people that surround our family and continue to go above and beyond for us. It makes me feel like a bum! Is there something I could do for someone else to touch their life as much as these people have done for me?

We went to the annual Stout Christmas Party on Saturday night. There was a beyond beautiful park completely decked out and decorated in Christmas Lights. It was like a true winter wonderland. Teddy and I bundled Payton up and took her to walk through it. I just love to watch her. Her little eyes are filled with wonder and amazement at everything she sees...and let me just tell you, she LOVES Christmas lights. On the way home I sat in the back seat between the babies to keep them occupied. Payton was laying her head on my shoulder and wanted me to rub her leg until she fell asleep. Ryker was holding my other hand by a finger and drinking his bottle as he fell asleep. I was basically smashed in between a love sandwich. These two little beings are literally my entire world. I never knew I would be able to love someone as much as I love them. Before I had my son I asked my dad how I could possibly love another baby as much as I love Payton. After I had Ryker, I remember my dad coming into the room and asking me, "Do you see how you can love him now?" I do. They amaze me every single day...and becoming a wife and mom is BY FAR the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life. I am 110% head over heels in love with them. How did I get SO lucky? Or rather, blessed?

My best friend burned me the new Taylor Swift CD. I have a love/hate relationship with Taylor Swift. She is obviously amazingly talented, but I can't stand it when the radio plays her songs to death. Her songs are great until you hear them 3 million times. So many songs on this new CD have touched me, but I am praying the radio doesn't take those songs and run them dry. There is a song on there that every mother should listen to...it's called "Never grow up".

Oh, darlin don't you ever grow up
No, never grow up
Just stay this little

I won't let nobody hurt you,
Won't let no one break your heart
Yeah, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up

If you're wondering, yes, I cried my eyes out when I listened to this song. What am I going to do one day when my kids grow up and I can't cuddle them and give them unlimited kisses? The answer is simple, I better cherish this time with them and live every day with them like it's the last.

"I just realized everything I have someday is gonna be gone"

If you can't stand cheesy, corny, annoying love...this post probably wasn't for you. If you are interested in any other good songs on the Speak Now CD, I really like Dear John, Mean, and Innocent.

With tears in my eyes of course,

Amber

Writing

I've actually had this blog for a long time, but I have never really written in it. I've written a few entries and deleted them. I decided to start writing, mainly because I'll have a little more time to get on here and write since I'm a stay at home mom now, but also because it's so thereputic. I am so excited to be able to say that. I am so lucky my husband works hard enough to allow me to be home with my kids.

I feel like since being home with them I'm not only a better mother, but a better person. Before I could stay with them I felt so many negative emotions- guilt for having to be away from them, burden for having to ask someone else to watch them while I was away, and sadness because I felt I was missing out on such a precious time with them.

Besides everything having to do with them, I've been able to keep the laundry going, the house clean, the dishes done. It feels so good to have our house clean every day. I really feel I thrive in discipline and routine. Instead of designating one day to clean everything, I try to pick up the entire house every morning when Ryker takes his first nap.

Our little family has been through a very trying time this past few months. I am so grateful for every friend and family member I was able to lean on for support...and will continue to do that. During that time I can honestly say them and God were the only reason I was able to survive. I read an amazing book called "Captivating" and I really feel like it changed my life. I grew up going to church, but got away from it for a while after I graduated high school. We are trying to find a good church home, but it's been a challenge trying to find a church that we both agree on. We've decided to visit a few different ones and see which one would be best. I'm thinking we will look at a few of the Baptist churches around this area. I really feel like every woman needs to read that book. It expressed so many feelings and thoughts that I could relate to.

My birthday was yesterday and I turned 24. I can't believe I'm getting so old...well, I guess it's really not THAT old- but still. My birthday was GREAT! I had so many sweet and thoughtful messages on my facebook wall, it really made me feel special. People I haven't talked to or seen in a long time actually took the time to tell me happy birthday...I thought that was pretty cool. My hubby took me to best buy to get my KEURIG!!! BEST PRESENT EVER! I am sooo happy! I am a BIG TIME coffee drinker now- and it was the perfect gift. I love it so much! He is the bomb.com. My grandparents gave me money, Sarah gave me 3 crosses to start my cross wall, Ashley gave me a Red Lobster gift card, and my Mom and Dad gave me a bag of pretty goodies...some earrings, a watch, chapstick, a ring, and two pretty beanies. The package was even wrapped in my favorite color...turquoise! I loved all of my gifts soooo much! :) I had no idea these people knew me SO well!

Christmas is next week and I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done, just a few little things to pick up. I love the Holidays, it's fun staying busy, seeing family, not to mention the fantastic FOOD! :p Once it's over it will be the boring part of the year where not much is really going on. However, we are going to a wedding the end of January. Teddy's best friend from high school is getting married and he asked him to be a groomsman! How fun! I've gotten to know his fiance pretty well and she is a complete sweetheart. I'm so glad I know her now. I'm really looking forward to their wedding, it will just be a nice little weekend get away for the hubby and I.

I never heard this quote before until recently, but I love it. I think it really describes my life lately...

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched."

So true...

Amber